For most people, the post-breakup period is a relentlessly cruel time filled with immense heartache and an unhealthy amount of calorie intake. Getting over the loss of someone you loved is hard enough, but it’s even harder when you realize they’re living and functioning swimmingly without you. When the breakup is fresh and you feel like there’s nothing to get you out of your slump, consider that time heals all wounds. Until then, I’ve found from personal experience a few things that may possibly happen during your mourning period and how to go about them.
Point blank: John Mayer will become your best friend after everything is said and done. It’s only natural to find yourself relating to a different song for every step after a breakup. “All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye” when you make it official and become either single on Facebook or request to enter an exclusive relationship with Cheez-Its (spoiler: they won’t accept), “Perfectly Lonely” for how you’ll be feeling from now until Netflix releases the next season of Orange is the New Black, and finally “I’m Gonna Find Another You” when you realize there’s a multitude of people out there suitable to become your next spouse on Sims. Don’t be afraid to overwhelm your Spotify followers with his songs, it’s to be expected after having your still-beating heart mercilessly ripped from your chest.
After experiencing the depression stage following a break-up, the next progression is fits of anger. I strongly encourage you burn everything they once gave you to assure you are not holding on to any memories of your unsuccessful past relationship. Hold a ceremony and light the fire with your tears of blood. Only the weak cry water, and you are a strong warrior. Additionally, if you happen to find yourself uncontrollably binge watching Game of Thrones, make sure to keep in mind there is no point in wielding a spear to mount your ex’s decapitated head on.
Next comes acceptance. For some, this is a far off goal that has yet to be reached, but I can promise that eventually it will happen. Get back on the horse and trot lightly in to the dating ring. You don’t have to pick up the trade yet, so just enjoy the single life while you can because nobody likes that person who can’t go without having a significant other every minute of his or her existence. Go out with friends, socialize with other people, download Tinder and relentlessly harass boys until you receive death threats; really, do anything that doesn’t end up with you sitting alone in your room reliving memories of a better yesterday with the person you loved, nothing feels worse than that.
Keep in mind that all relationships inevitably end in either a break up or marriage, and most of us are still too young and too afraid to fathom the idea of life with one person forever right now. Overall, if you ever need something to feel good about, just remember that every morning you wake up; a hot single in your local area is looking to hook up with you.